WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the enduring appeal behind assault rifle ownership, a Pew study released Monday revealed that more Americans were buying AR-15s to defend themselves from toddlers who found their guns. “Many Americans stressed that they felt safer knowing they had an AR-15 at the ready in case their toddler stumbled across a shoebox holding a loaded gun on the floor of a closet and started firing away,” said researcher Jonathan Lieu, noting that the majority of AR-15 owners told his team they purchased the lightweight rifle due to their recurring fears about waking in the night to their 2-year-old giggling as they shot bullet holes through the bedroom door. “One response we often heard was that it was a Second Amendment right for gun owners to defend themselves against their own young children. They also stressed that a baseball bat or pepper spray simply wasn’t enough firepower to take down their gun-toting kids.” Lieu added that many Americans also rushed out to purchase tear gas grenades after their children inevitably got their hands on the AR-15s.

  • Seraph@kbin.social
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    10 months ago

    No one can tell this is The Onion before the last 5 words, and even then your brain has to think twice.

    Best headline I’ve seen from them in a while!

  • GreenMario@lemm.ee
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    10 months ago

    The only way to stop a bad toddler with a gun is a good adult with an even bigger gun.

  • Hyperreality@kbin.social
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    10 months ago

    I have always found it a bit bizarre how some Americans will proudly advertise the fact they have loads of very expensive things in their house.

    If I had a gun collection, and I live in a rural area with a lot of hunters so I assume plenty of my (European) neighbours do, I’d keep it quiet.

  • Yerbouti@lemmy.ml
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    10 months ago

    How stupid must you be to do that. Everybody knows that an AR-45 takes way too long to reload and can only hold 20 charges. You’re way better with a Beretta 46 pistol or even a Colt. You will shoot much faster and the 19mm bullets can easily penetrate their soft skull. Plus toddlers usually dont aim very well so you should be fine anyway.

    • sab@kbin.social
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      10 months ago

      Honestly, just get them with a preemptive strike, the morons don’t even see it coming.