I try to emphasize the value of hard work more than anything else. I don’t say, “wow, you’re so smart,” I say, “wow, you worked so hard on that.” I will say, “you look nice,” but more often, “good job working on your hair.”

My kid is, though it’s me saying so, outrageously good looking and already gets silly amounts of attention. I try to give them compliments based on what they do or say, rather than how they look. I talk and listen to them about their interests and thoughts, and the only real feedback or guidance I give on outward appearances is on hygiene and healthy eating.