So I know everyone is going to answer “yes”, but I want actual real thoughts. I just want to know where I fit in.
I’m AMAB, and present as male, at least on the surface. I’ve always felt that was wrong though. But I don’t necessarily think I’m a woman. I wish I was more feminine. And recently I started full body laser hair removal, and I have pretty long hair, and currently have my toe nails painted. But I also have a beard, and otherwise present totally as cis.
Am I “trans”? I don’t feel “cis”, but I feel like calling myself trans just isn’t accurate and is inappropriate. Is there any other option?
And a complicating factor is that I’m basically only attracted to female presenting people. I see a lot of mtf trans people posting online “t4t”. Would other trans people consider me “trans”?
Yeah I don’t have a good answer for this. Not do I know how to get one. I’ve kind of always thought I really was a girl, just too scared to transition or admit it. But very recently I’m questioning that. I don’t necessarily think I’m a girl. But I know that being a “guy” just isn’t right either.
I guess I’m not totally even sure what “non binary” even means. Like, I’ve always felt like it was a cop out kind of identity. And maybe that is just more residence that it resonates with me and is something scary or IDK. It’s hard for me to accept what non binary actually means, and especially how it relates to identifying as trans. Assuming the non binary label fits what I am, am I “trans”?
Non binary covers a range of identities. Some feel like neither man nor woman is a good fit for them, or that they don’t really identify with the concept of gender at all. Others partially identify with one or both of the “binary” genders. It can be difficult to understand a feeling, sensation, or identity which you have no basis for understanding or if as you say there is something stopping you from properly considering it.
Like others I would recommend experimenting with your identity to see if there’s something that feels comfortable to you. Perhaps there are LGBTQ+ spaces you could safely join where you live? Or perhaps there are online spaces like this one you could hang out in? Reading and talking about identities can be very helpful. Check out the links in the sidebar as well if you haven’t already, especially the gender dysphoria bible.
Do you feel comfortable with people thinking of you as a man? Does it feel nice when people don’t gender you?
I feel like the only way you’re going to get some answers is through experimentation. Try out different pronouns, do they feel weird? If they do, why?
I knew I was trans because of my body dysphoria and because I “wanted” to be a girl, but I’d never felt like I was a girl. But I feel like that stemmed of a deep self-hatred, some transphobia and thinking I’d never be “good enough” to be a woman. After many years repressing it, I wanted to try though. And turns out it was the correct choice for me! It took me years to feel comfortable presenting feminine, but for me the discomfort of experimentation was better than “being a man”.
So yeah, some people figure it out immediately, for others like me it takes years, but the only way to know for sure is being true to yourself and trying things out without caring what other people will say.
Edit: oh, and yes, non-binary people fit within the trans label, although some of them prefer not to use it.
I struggled to feel like a woman too. Part of it was internalized transphobia, but part of it was imagining what others would expect of me when I called myself a woman. I don’t want to be ultra fem and all the other expectations, and telling myself that helped a lot. My gender expression is quite masculine, but I’m still a woman (or demigirl maybe? Eh, whatever).