Screwdrivers Now Permitted On Boeing Flights, To Allow Passengers To Help With Maintenance — The Shovel
theshovel.com.au
Travellers on Boeing 737 flights will be allowed to bring on-board screwdrivers, drills and any other tools deemed necessary to keep the doors from flying off.

(This is good news for people who trust Boeing more than medical workers. You can bring your own screwdriver.)

</satire> </fakeNews>

The serious narrative is shocking:

A Boeing mechanic failed to tighten the bolts on a door-size “cabin plug” that blew out on an Alaska Air 737Max flight. The aircraft had cabin pressure warnings onboard for some time, so instead of investigating/fixing, the airline simply ‘restricted’ the plane from ‘long flights over water’ so it could land quickly. No joke.