Girlfailure
It’s mainly that, but also wasting my savings on useless crap, not starting voice training or laser hair removal earlier and not taking the necessary steps to build a proper support network. I can’t blame anyone else but myself for those things.
Wish I could say the same. One year into hrt and I’ve gotten no real fat redistribution, no height loss, my hands look just as masculine as before, and no genital shrinkage either. I just look like a man with small boobs now, which is exactly what I feared would happen prior to getting on hrt.
Maybe some or all of this will change later on, but having to go another year or two like this is fucking awful, and adds to my feeling of regret at not having started sooner.
There’s also the fact that now I have to transition while dealing with so much other shit that I didn’t have to deal with back then. I’ve made things so much harder for myself. I can’t forgive myself for that.
Feels like my life up until this point has just been a series of stupid mistakes, and now I’m finally seeing the consequences of those mistakes.
Saw the timeline of a trans woman my age that started HRT in early 2022. That could have been me, had I not wasted almost 1,5 years trying to get HRT through the gatekeeping healthcare system. I should have known better and just gotten started with DIY HRT right away. I could have been much further along with my transition by now. Maybe I would have gotten some hip growth as well, since I would have started before turning 25.
But no, I dumb me from the past chose to believe the people on r*ddit saying that DIY HRT is super risky and should only be used as a last resort. Now I hate myself and my body to the point of cutting.
Did pretty good at a job interview, but I still got rejected 
I wanted to go to a local queer meetup today, but my social anxiety and low self esteem stopped me. Idk how I’m ever gonna make new friends 
God, I just want some tucking panties that I can actually use 
I’ve tried ordering from 3 different sellers without success. Last one was origami customs. They’re by far the most expensive and with longest waiting time, but I thought it would be worth it since they do custom sizing. It took them 2 months to send me some panties that are too small and made of itchy material.
Such a fucking waste of time and money. I should just try making my own tucking panties / gaff instead
Had a job interview and fucked it up right at the beginning. I got really nervous and couldn’t figure out what to say 
Don’t know, but I’m also struggling with this a lot
Treats acquired 
Today is my first HRT anniversary 
Maybe I’ll celebrate with some treats
I really want to get into a creative hobby. I had fun once creating a song in garageband, so I might try that out again. Only problem is that I have no apple products, so I would have to buy a macbook or something. Or maybe I should buy a digital piano instead 
I was conflicted but happy before starting to transition and now i’m just depressed and obsessive about it all the time, and it’s really starting to take a toll
Same here 
I’ve gotten some of the good changes from hrt, but with it came much stronger gender dysphoria. And the things I feel most dysphoric about are the ones that hrt can’t change. Maybe I could pass if I got FFS, but I’ll never be able to afford that. So I just feel hopeless all the time now.
What a shit day. I try to get help for my mental issues, but all I’m offered is the opportunity to talk at, not with, a psychologist. I told them what I actually needed, and they said there wasn’t really anything they could do. I’m already on a waiting list, and have my first actual appointment sometime in september, but I don’t feel like I can wait that long. So that was really dissapointing, felt like a complete waste of time. Wonder how much more I’ll have cut myself by the time I get any actual help…
And I tried to go for a walk outside just now, but my fucking shoes are broken after only 6 weeks of use, yet again! Probably because of the lumps I have on my heels. I love having to buy a new pair of shoes every 1-2 months, especially since I have zero income rn. But it’s fine, I have an appointment to get my heels checked out… in january next year 
Too much work :( But it’s fine, I had saved the most important comments beforehand
Nooo, my entire inbox got marked as read 
I hate my country’s healthcare system so much. First I’m gatekept for not having gone through “real-life experience”, and now it’s because I’m over a certain age. Apparently only trans kids and teenagers are in need help. Once you’re an adult you just magically stop needing counseling, therapy and voice coaching.
Was supposed to attend a course today to help me find a job, but I couldn’t bring myself to go there
Trying to search up info on adhd medication, and all the articles are either written for parents of adhd kids, or they refer to adhd as primarily being something kids and teens struggle with. And why are people still claiming that it’s possible to outgrow a mental disorder? Wish it worked like that, would make my life a whole lot easier if my adhd just magically went away as I got older