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Cake day: June 10th, 2023

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  • I was a Teamster when I worked for Sygma, and out of all the unions I’ve been a member of (four, now), the Teamsters were the motherfucking worst. If they were actively trying to take a revolving door of 18- and 19-year-olds just getting their first big-boy jobs and turn them into all into die-hard anti-union voters for life, they couldn’t do a better job than they’re doing right now, and I told my steward that before I quit.

    They designed the whole contract specifically to offload all the real work onto the new guys, protect the older guys when they decided to throw hands on the loading dock, and give as much overtime as possible to the ancient, divorced boomers with no family to go home to, that they could spend pretending to sweep the floors while the trainees finished the actual loading. Guys would bid order picking, then use seniority to bump bid loads/receivers off their jobs and wouldn’t pick a single case for the whole contract, while getting paid picker bonuses and shift differentials.

    And just to rub salt into the wound, those perks (bumping lower guys off their bid jobs and “sweeping the floor” during overtime) were specifically written out of the latest contract, so only the guys hired under the previous contract would ever get to do them. They straight robbed those kids of even anything to look forward to if they toughed out the low-seniority years. They also negotiated a different pay scale for under 5 years, 5-10 years, and 10 years in, and you can guess which end of that they weighted the raises toward. It was a complete shitshow, and when kids would quit, the Teamsters would keep their initiation fee (taken out of the first three paychecks). You could call to try to get it back, but the best they’d do would be to put it towards your initiation fee for your next Teamster job, as if any of those kids would ever willingly subject themselves to that shit ever again.

    AND THERE’S MORE. I just don’t feel like typing up a fucking novel on it. Don’t even get me started on the shady shit they did during the contract negotiations I was actually present for. It was worse than maddening; it felt like it was specifically crafted by the senior guys to make sure that ladder was pulled up as high as they could behind them, while not actually making any waves for the company. And the safety issues they ignored and covered up, and the fancy fucking “union meetings” they never told anyone about so that they were only attended by the office reps, because they were being held at the most expensive restaurants in the city, on the union’s dime, and the number of stewards who were literally fucking floor supervisors, and on, and on, and on…

    UIW was kind of spineless and milquetoast, but they took care of us. The Teamsters are fucking old-school mob racket motherfuckers who are single-handedly responsible for an entire generation of workers who think all unions are a scam.


  • I was planning a long road trip that I could have done all at once, but decided to break into two days with a hotel stay somewhere near the middle. I was on a bit of a budget, so when I found a room for ~$60, I was thrilled.

    When I got there, the shower handle was plumbed backwards (so the “Cold” direction was hot), the first towel on the rack had brown splatters that were very clearly old blood stains, and while I was showering a big roach wandered up onto the lip of the shower like “S’up, bro,” then meandered off like he did this sort of thing every day.

    The bed was about as cushy as a gym floor mat, the pillows were bricks, and when I sat down on the desk chair to put on my shoes, the whole thing just about collapsed under me.

    The review I left said: “The best $10 hotel room that $60 can buy,” and since then I just make all my road trips in one go if I can’t afford to spend at least $100 for a hotel room.




  • I was leaving the Wal-Mart parking lot about a year ago and there was a man with a cardboard sign at the traffic light. I was about to ignore him, and then I thought: “I just spent $50 on a toothbrush. I spend $5 on this guy.”

    After that point, I started thinking. I’d always been told these guys would “drive away in a BMW at the end of the day” and/or “they’re gonna buy drugs”, and I never really thought about those claims.

    The BMW thing turns out to be a Bigfoot story; everyone “knows a guy” or “has a cousin” that saw that happen once, but in a world where everyone’s got a phone in their pocket and a camera on their dash, I have yet to see such an event being documented. God knows the insufferable pricks who trot that line out would die happy if they could make that kind of evidence go viral.

    And the drugs… I mean, maybe? I guess? But then again, I could give my kid money for his birthday and he might go out and buy drugs with it, too. I have no way to know that. I shouldn’t give anyone money ever, I guess? Fuck, as far as “giving out money” goes, I’m giving Wal-Mart money that they’re going to use to increase poverty, fuck the environment, and lobby Congress for bills that will inevitably have an actual body count. Giving money to a guy who’s looking to score a joint doesn’t even rate on that scale.

    Not to mention that, as far as I know, there’s an equally likely possibility he’s going to take that $5 bill and use it eat something for the first time in two days. So yeah, that’s a gamble I’m willing to take.

    And why are we more likely to give money to a guy shittily playing a guitar with a hat on the ground? Because we feel like he’s working for it? What a shitty way to think about people. Entertain me, poor person, and if you’re good enough, I might give you a pittance.

    Or maybe it’s because you can just drop some change in the hat and don’t have interact. As an introvert, that does kinda sound like a selling point. But I’m cynical, so I’m pretty sure it’s more the previous thing.

    If I’ve got more than an insultingly small amount of cash on me (that is, I’m not going to grab a couple of quarters out of my cupholder), and the circumstances line up so it doesn’t put me in any danger or at risk of any real consequences, yeah, I’m gonna give someone cash.