For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).
With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.
I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it’s a necessary step to get better.
And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like “how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable” and so on.
And now I’m here, asking you for similar experiences you’ve had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it’s a normal thing to feel (hopefully).
So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?
It took me a long time to be comfortable with it. I had mad imposter syndrome, feeling like I didn’t “deserve” to be called it somehow. Plus I’d panic a little if someone used it in public because I was afraid of negative attention.
I’m more secure in my identity now, and its to the point now that if someone does call me my deadname (usually its some medical person of fucking course) it takes me a little to even register they’re addressing me. It does get better and you’re not alone in your experience 🩷
God I feel that sooo much. I know that none cares but I still can’t shake feelings like that.
The good news is that over time you get more and more used to it. It’s really just a matter of time and exposure. I still feel this way sometimes, but it is happening less frequently than 3 months ago, and even less frequently than 6 months ago.