blight [any]

ez

Chaotic week due to personal stuff, but I still walked a lot unintentionally, even increasing my average. I won’t go into detail, but it’s worth celebrating, which also means I have to host a party, which I’ve literally never done.

The classics: TrueAnon, Revolutionary Left Radio, Citations Needed, Blowback, Death Panel, Srsly Wrong, Deprogram, Guys, and also some local ones

As for music, I’d love to geek out, but I’m not going to completely doxx myself.

I could never rawdog, I alternate between music and podcasts depending on the mood. On some rare occasions I forget to put something new on and rawdog for a couple minutes until I realize it.

Yeah I actually barely drink any soda usually but I suddenly had a craving. I was more referring to the fact that last week I took another (not as) long walk where I didn’t drink anything.

• Entirely stopped drinking coffee. Still some green/black tea but I’m working on it.
• Walked 6 days. Yesterday I walked 25 miles, which is again sounding the exercise-as-self-harm alarm bells, but I don’t think it will happen again soon. At least this time I got some soda and fruit on the way.
• Finally made a phone call I’ve been dreading all week. My friend helped me prepare but I actually managed to call on my own.

went for walks 5 days, went to bed really early 2 or 3 days, no coffee ~4 days

going to bed early is not necessarily a win, more like i don’t want to be awake because i hate having depression

walks were long, but also kind of bordering on light self harm since i lost my water bottle and cbf to get a new one, and it was very hot outside

I can’t remember much about last week. I’ve been mildly sick for most of it and just generally haven’t done much which is unfortunately reasonable. I hate being sick, I hate feeling stuck at home. Feeling of slowly creeping impending doom.

Today especially was a shit show of binge eating and staying up all night. The week in general had reasonable bedtimes but I only walked 2 days, which is a step back.

Went to a party where I had 1 drink, and then 1 impulse beer after I got home. Not really in any danger right now I think, but it’s worth noting.

Keep feeling like shit because my situation is still shit. I managed to go for walks all days except 2, and my sleep schedule is further improved by an hour or so. Gave up on some things that weren’t working, and got started on some things I’ve been postponing.

Walked 4 days, not very long, but still touched grass etc. Pulled one or two all-nighters but managed to almost rein it in by now, and 3 hours late is way better than 11 hours late. Still can’t focus on reading because my brain is steeped in anxiety.

Fuck, it just keeps getting worse. I don’t even know what I did wrong. I walked, ran, ate reasonably, went to bed reasonably, and suddenly I just feel like total garbage and can barely get out of bed for days. I suspect a near future deadline is really messing with me, not because it’s very special, but because I really tried hard every day and I can’t get it done. I don’t know what else to do. Maybe this is just what the brain damage is like after repeated covid infections. I’m going to keep trying, but it’s really hard.

Walked every day except when said walk was upgraded to a run once or twice instead. Did laundry, dishes and bought groceries. Went to bed basically on time, with bonus attention to reducing evening screen time. Fighting the creep in our org on the astral plane constantly and it’s really draining my focus, but I am indeed fighting.

Went for walks all week except one day. Sleep is still a bit fucked, but within 1-2 hours of reason. Depression haze is lifting slightly.

Still feeling shitty, but this weekend I managed to go for a walk both days. Hopefully I can keep it up. Trying to moderate my caffeine intake and I’m feeling better in some ways but worse in others. Slowly taking control over my bedtime (tankie alert!). A little more reasonable about my crush obsession.

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Another pretty shitty week. No exercise at all, stayed up way too late, more random sandwiches replacing proper meals. One or two porn binges but I realized quickly that it’s actually pretty boring if you do it for too long. Compared to the previous week idk if in total it’s better or worse but I think I’m still generally in control.

update:

☑︎ flat tire
☑︎ call doctor

Roughest week in a good couple of months. I had several days where I would just get stuck in bed for hours, basically just eating sandwiches, and no exercise. One day I had a little porn binge, but no more than that day. Didn’t repair my flat tire. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself but I’m also wary because if I let this slide it could easily get worse. I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow to revise my medication which is literally making me more depressed.

Shitty week but I endured most of it. Went for walks most days. Met friends. Drank a reasonable amount. Managed to get out of bed on good time today. Obsessed about my crush.